Thank You, Dad

For visiting me last night.. in my dream, thank God :-)

You see, before I sleep, I always ask Dad to visit me in my dreams. He rarely does, and on most times, it's vague and I hardly remember what happened the moment I wake up. So when I read my cousin's status in Facebook saying she dreamt about my dad greeting her on her birthday, I was so jealous. He didn't even greet me on mine :(

Maybe there's Facebook in heaven and he was able to read my comment because he paid me a visit in my sleep the next evening. In my dream he asked for a hundred pesos then gave me a change of about eight pesos (yuh, I remember the littlest details this time! :D). A few minutes after he handed me the coins, he saw something that he wanted to buy and told me that he needs the 5-peso coin back. In between laughters, I told him that some things really never change.

I can't help but cry as I remembered that dream on my way to work this morning. Yeah, I still cry at the most random time and place whenever I think about him. I guess I miss everything about Dad. When he was still with us, he would go to work and make both ends meet for the family with his meager income. But during times when his budget falls short and there won't be enough for his motorcycle's gasoline, he would wake me up early in the morning to borrow money so he could go to the office. I get really grouchy when he does that because (1) I hate waking up early; and (2) I'm worried that my stash, too, won't last until my next payday. Now I wish he would still do that because I miss him so much. I can't help but feel bad because now I earn more than enough and I can give him more than a hundred bucks but he's no longer here. It sucks because I may have a 6-digit savings account, the latest gadgets, expensive travels, nice shoes, clothes and bags, but in my heart is a huge hole that only dad can fill.

I wish I could just go back to when my life was a little tougher. At least back then, I have my father :'(

P.S. If you can read this, Dad, ngayong gabi ulit, ha?