Losing a Father

My blog has been inactive for a few months. At first I was just too busy juggling work, house chores, family and love life. Then late March I went home to the Philippines for a quick vacation. A day after my arrival, my dad was rushed to the hospital due to stroke. Nine days later, we lost him.

:'(

It all happened so fast that I still cannot believe I don't have my dad anymore. It's surreal how my big and strong and cheerful and energetic dad succumbed at the age of 43 leaving my mom and us his 6 girls behind. It has been a month and six days today but thinking of him still makes me cry non-stop.

I miss him.

I miss him coming home at mid-day and looking for his lunch.

I miss him teasing me "taba" over Skype.

I miss him e-mailing me about his search for our dream home.

I miss him telling me the bills have arrived and the groceries are wiped out.

I miss him complaining about fetching me from late-night work but doing it anyway.

I miss him eating like there's no tomorrow.

I miss him sitting in the sala arguing with Haley on who gets to watch TV.

I miss him laughing and scolding and singing and snoring.

I miss having my dad, and I wish he had stayed with us a little while longer.

And if there are things that I'll regret for the rest of my life, it's that I've never told him enough how much I love him when he was still alive. It's that I thought I was too old to hug him and kiss him and make him lambing like a daddy's girl would do. It's that I didn't get to buy him a spanking pair of rubber shoes, dozens of branded shirts, a shiny new watch and his dream car. It's that even if I get enough money to buy the house that we've always wanted, it'll never be complete because the man of the house will no longer be in it.

I know it's gonna take a while for me and my family to accept dad's passing, especially since he's too young to be taken away. But we find solace in knowing that now he is enjoying the eternal life our Father in Heaven has promised us, in knowing that he may not be with us physically but he's just there, looking out for us and guiding us in everything we do. This is definitely far from what I imagined my family life would be, but as always, Thy Will Be Done.

Dad, I hope you're techie enough to read my blog up there. Thank you for being the best father that you can be. Mom wiil miss you on the 21st -- what could've been your Silver Wedding Anniversary. Haley will miss you on her first day of school come June. And me? I'll miss you on my wedding day, whenever that will be. I just wish you were the one to give me away, to entrust me to Jhay. I just wish we'll travel if not the world, at least Asia as a family. We have the biggest dreams Dad, and now that you're gone, the least I could do is promise you that I'll make all of them come true. And don't worry, I'll take care of mom and the kids. I may never be able to make them hatid-sundo using your trusty motorcycle, but I swear I'll do my best to provide for them and give them the comfortable life that you wanted.

I hope you know that I love you to bits, Dad. We all do.

And I hope wherever you are, I am making you proud.

Love forever,